Self-Care for Moms with ADHD

Self-care for moms with ADHD can look pretty different from other neuro-typical (NT) moms. Being a Mom with ADHD can be really hard for many reasons. One specific reason I struggle with ADHD as a Mom is because the first thing I deprioritize is my self-care.

For instance, I got on my computer today to message my psychiatrist about refilling my medication. And I am only now remembering that as I write this. I have yet to actually message my psychiatrist, so I’ll practice what I preach and pause to do so…

Okay, I’m back. So as I was saying, being a neuro-divergent Mama can present some interesting obstacles. Many women with ADHD don’t even know they have it until they become parent’s. Largely because they have been able to mask/cope with the symptoms pretty well while they only have themselves to care for. But being a parent is basically experiencing every overstimulating sensory trigger at the same time… all the time. And all those coping mechanisms just cannot compensate enough.

This post is all about self-care for moms with ADHD.

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1. Quiet time

Either take a moment to have complete silence for 15 minutes, (give the kids some screen time with head phones if you need to) or dim the noise for a longer period of time with something like Loops. All the different noises that come with little kids is a lot for anyone, but if you have sensory processing issues then hearing noises from multiple sources can make it impossible to focus on any of those noises, and even more likely- make you feel irate. So, dampen the sounds a few decibels and allow focus to come back within reach.

2. Hygiene

Normally I wouldn’t even consider this one self-care, because for NTs, this is not something that gets sidelined after the first few weeks/ months of motherhood. But if you have ADHD you experience difficulties with executive functions, like having a realistic understanding of how long tasks take and you may not create enough space in your day to properly care for your hygiene.

You may also have sensory sensitivities. Maybe the temperature differences of getting out of the shower is like nails on a chalk board for you? Personally, I have spurts of time where I hate anything water related. I have super dry skin so I hate the feeling my skin gets when it’s been stripped of it’s natural oils, and then the water dries leaving me feeling like my skin is tightening. If you have something like this that keeps you from taking care of yourself, sit with that issue and think of how you can work around it.

So what’s your plan?

I have to think of each thing I hate about the experience and plan ahead for each one.

• Moisturizing and soothing body wash for the dry skin
• Music for just enough sensory input that my mind doesn’t race.
• Bath towel instead of a shower towel so my whole body is the same temp.
• Immediately do Mini skin-care routine so my face doesn’t dry up.
• Fully dry before trying to put clothes on, because trying to put clothes on a damp body might be the worst experience ever.

All of this to say, it’s not as simple for some ND people to just take a shower everyday. But being unclean can hugely impact your general state of being and ND people are far more susceptible to depression.

3. Get a self-care app that actually WORKS for YOU

Sure there are a million out there, and I’m sure you’ve already tried like 10 different apps to keep you organized and on task, but if you’re anything like me you used it for maybe 2 days. FINCH has been a game changer for my ADHD self-care routine. The way it works is you have a little birdie avatar and when you do things on your goals list you get little gems that you can use to buy things for your birdie and their house.

I NEED IMMEDIATE GRATIFICATION. Give me all the dopamine!

I will literally sit there and take care of myself specifically because I want to pimp out my birdie’s house. My 4 year old will ask me if we can “play the bird game”, and proceed to make her bed, drink water, listen to soothing sounds and do breathing exercises all in an effort to buy things for the bird. Little does she know she just took the anxiety level of our home from a 6 to a 2 by “playing this game”. Also, because of the out of sight out of mind phenomenon, they even have a widget you can turn on where the bird is on the front page of your phone so you always see him. I really cannot recommend it enough.

4. Time Blocking

I have started to journal what my goals are and then sit with the feeling of “why is that hard for me”? Why is it that I feel like I’m simultaneously spending all day with my kids and also like I haven’t given them any attention at all. The answer was really that I am stuck in a weird “fight or flight” thing all day. I’m trying to get things done and they are trying to get some one-on-one time with me. So all day I am being interrupted, (which is pure torture for ADHD people), and I’m giving them the bare minimum attention so that I can get back to my task. It’s back and forth all day long in this exhausting dance, where everyone is unfulfilled and burnt-out in the end.

The solution- time blocking! We made a schedule together, that we called our “Rainbow Schedule”, this could be great for any stay at home parent or when your kids are out of school. Now, my kids know when Mommy’s attention will be totally on them and when Mom will be taking time to do what she has to do. They get their cups filled up enough to do some solo play or play with one another and I get more solid time to focus on one thing and not spiral. No more exhausting dance.

5. Journaling/Reflecting

You and I know you aren’t going to stick to some routine of journaling, so that’s NOT what I’m suggesting. But, anytime you run into some goal or even some mundane thing that you are avoiding- I want you to take a minute to reflect on what are the factors involved that are keeping you from doing it. For instance, maybe you hate doing the dishes because you hate touching them when they are dirty. Solution- gloves. If you have sensory issues here, you may need to search for gloves with a specific material or instead, pour boiling water over the sink before you touch them.

Folding laundry is my least favorite chore. Why? Well if I really think about it, it’s because I wait to do it until I have to, and therefore it takes forever and it’s boring as hell. I can’t really watch TV while I do it, because then it takes even longer. My solution- this is a great time to listen to a podcast that you love! I get the sensory input I need to not abandon the task and I am more likely to want to do the laundry, which means I do it more frequently and it doesn’t become a Doom Chore. The point is you can alleviate some of your anxiety and stress around these things by paying attention to what your body is telling you.

6. Podcasts

I am a big supporter of podcasts. I truly love them. They help my brain so much more than I ever would have imagined. They are just enough sensory input without being too much. I use these AMAZING and CHEAP ear buds that actually STAY IN MY EARS. I can comfortably stay on task for much longer than I can without listening to them. Most people with ADHD are having multiple conversations in their heads at the same time. Often, my mind can’t finish one thought before it is on to the next and it is utterly exhausting. Having a podcast on, allows me to quiet those voices while I’m trying to focus on something and I also get to listen to something I truly enjoy. My favorites are The Armchair Expert by Dax Shepard, The Bobby Bones Show, Getting Curious of Jonathan Van Ness, Recovery Elevator, Love Over Addiction, I HAVE ADHD and so many more.

7. Minimize to Create Calmness

If you have ADHD you are likely naturally leaning more towards maximalism than minimalism. The issue here is you are probably also overwhelmed by all the clutter in your life, or your loved ones are overwhelmed by your inability to manage your clutter. Do yourself the greatest favor you can and try to take the most cluttered parts of your life and find an organizational tool or technique to take the anxiety and stress out of this area.

For you this might mean you practice the laundry basket de-cluttering technique. For me this meant minimizing clothing for everyone in the house. We try to have capsule wardrobes as much as possible. It also means smaller hampers to force us to do laundry more frequently. My husband and I wear the same socks, no need to match socks, they all go in the same basket. The girls are also able to wear the same socks as one another. For our kids’ toys we regularly go through them and get rid of things as well as store and rotate toys so the mess is limited. I minimized all of my beauty and hygiene products down to what I actually use, crazy I know. But guess what, my bathroom takes seconds to tidy and I always know where everything is. I no longer have all of this space taken up by products I don’t even use anymore.

8. Get out in Nature

There is something to be said about what getting outdoors can do for your mental health. A walk around the block or getting out in the garden for a bit can truly help ground and center you. Again, maybe listen to a good podcast or audio book. If you are over stimulated this is a great opportunity to do some mindfulness or grounding techniques. Focus on each of your senses one at a time. Feel the grass on your feet. What do you smell? Flowers, campfire, etc., Listen to the birds, look at something calming in nature for a while, drink some cold water. Do some breathe work. These practices will help calm you and make you feel more in control of your body and mind. If you want to get your kids involved maybe make it in to a scavenger hunt.

9. Drink Water

Honestly, I hate myself for even saying it. Like we all know it, no one needs to say it. But statistically people with ADHD are much more likely to be too over-stimulated to be able to listen to their body’s cues. Also if you are taking a stimulant, then you need to drink even more water. I suck at this. I’m terrible at drinking water. But, I love me some seltzer, sparkling water, club soda, whatever you want to call it. So I either use the SodaStream or buy something bubbly like green juice or kombucha etc.

Maybe you can’t get yourself to drink regular water but throwing in a lemon, cucumber or some ginger would be a game changer. Whatever it is you need to do to manipulate yourself. Get a water bottle you love, maybe one that has some time indicators to help you keep track throughout the day. But I highly recommend getting one with a gulp lid, you don’t have to worry about disgusting straws that are impossible to clean and you wind up drinking way more. If you don’t like the taste of your tap water, I’m talking to you Florida, then get something to filter it. If you’re real bougie go for the Berkey, and if not a good ole’ Brita still does the job.

10. Practice Hygge

Implement some Hygee practices in your home to help bring warmth, comfort, and peace into your environment. Replace clutter and anxiety with a cozy, clean place where you can gather with friends and family. Light some candles, pot up some plants and have a cup of tea. If you aren’t familiar with the concept of hygge, check out my post 8 Tips To Getting Hygge With It .

11. Yoga

I say yoga, but really you can insert any type of workout or activity that will get you moving. Scientists have discovered that when your muscles contract they release something called the “hope molecule” which travels to your brain and literally acts as an anti depressant. So, I know that if I’m feeling overwhelmed or depressed, the first thing I need is to workout, and the last thing I want to do is go for a run. It’s just not realistic for me. But you know what I can do, I can turn on a yoga video on You Tube and go through the motions until my brain realizes, “oh this is nice, I like this”. My kids also love Cosmic Kids Yoga videos, so half the time I’m doing kids yoga and it’s a nice bonding experience with my girls. Also the chances are you’re probably already wearing yoga pants haha. My favorite yoga pants are some LuLu Lemon Dupes with pockets, that I truly don’t feel like I can live without.

This post has been all about self-care for moms with ADHD. We all need to cater to our own specific needs and I hope I was able to help you identify those needs.

Looking for more self-care tips? Check out CreativeShe’s post 10 SELF CARE IDEAS FOR MOMS WHO NEED A BREAK